Rant and rave.

Some people write about themselves with startling clarity and freedom.Their writing also has a stamp of authority which cogently convinces the reader about their personal experiences,success or failure.Of course I admire such people.They are everything that I am not and perhaps never can be.Every time I start writing about myself my fingers protest and my throat dries up.Perhaps it is also because I have an attention span of a three year old and every time I start to focus on one thought,my mind cannot linger on it long enough to register it so I may be able to write it down somewhere.You might start to think that that's largely spurious and ironic because I have written so much already and I am surely not writing about the presidential elections.But what the hell right? It's my blog page and I am allowed to be what,incoherent? Messy? Yes all of that.I think my inability to clearly write about anything arises out of my hypersensitivity to grief.Grief doesn't move or transfix me.It shuts me.And over the past few years I have been aggrieved by at least 10 incidents that have contributed to collective shutting down of my-1.Creativity 2.Expression.3.Immeasurable love for music.4.Sociability.And I have no idea how I am going to be able to revive all of that.I remember as a kid I would be asked to write about each rhyme my mother would teach me the previous night and on one such occasion I failed to do so after this madman traipsing across the road suddenly stopped at our door.I remember staring at the person bemusedly for as long as he stayed and then crying a lot.I am NOT exaggerating and from that day on my hypersensitivity to grief has been on the rise.Now this madman incident certainly warranted that reaction and so have many such incidents(not considered among the aforesaid 10).It is the bane of my existence.It has killed me in the past and it continues to gnaw at my existence.I cannot move on and cannot forget grief.Now I can't blame God for he has thrown in indemnities embodied by innocent parents,two exquisite friends and a patient lover.
I am so sure that Woody Allen IS my doppelganger because we both have fat noses and we both react similarly to life and its cruelty(Except he has fat money and I am nothing but a fat monkey).I am reminded of his ever so sardonic quote-“I took a test in Existentialism.I left all the answers blank and got 100.” I also admire people with parochial thinking.You know the ones that heartily chew on a piece of meat while the TV flashes the news of a child stuck in a borewell,or a rape or a murder.I also admire people who heartily chew on another person's stupid,loving heart while planning on chewing on,ripping apart their next.Such people I love and admire.I think and I am sure that my biggest regret in life is that I cannot be someone else.Excuse all the rant and 'rave.You have most certainly wasted 5 mins of your life.